Jokes for the day

Why don’t secret agents ever play hide and seek?

Because good luck hiding when your name is James Bond, your favorite drink is a martini – shaken, not stirred, and every time you introduce yourself, you play your own theme music!

Why did the scarecrow win an award for being a stand-up comedian?

Because he was outstanding in his “field,” but his jokes were so corny, they made everyone crop their pants!

Why did the scarecrow win an award for being a comedian?

Because he was outstanding in his “field” of humor, but every time he told a joke, the corn would say “A-maize-ing”, the potatoes would reply “Eye see what you did there”, and the lettuce would declare “Romaine calm, everyone!”

But, the cucumber, he just didn’t get the “dill” with comedy… that’s why we call him a “pickle”!

Why did the tomato turn red?

Because it saw the salad dressing.

But why did the salad dressing turn blue?

Because it saw the tomato undressing!

Why did the scarecrow refuse to show up for the comedy show?

Because he heard the corn was too “a-maize-ing” and he didn’t want to feel “in-stalk-ure”!

And when he finally worked up the courage to attend, guess what happened?

The corn stood up and said, “Shucks, you’re here. Now, we’re all ears!”

When the scarecrow asked why, the corn replied, “Because we can’t believe our