Jokes for the day

Why don’t we ever ask time for favors?

Because it always ticks us off, claiming it’s too hands-on and second-guesses everything. And even when we wind it up for a joke, it just goes in circles and eventually alarms us by revealing it has been the face of our problems all along!

Why did the hipster refuse to use his brand-new boomerang?

Because it was too mainstream… he only throws things that don’t come back, like his career opportunities!

Why don’t secrets ever go on a diet?

Because they always end up getting leaked, and it’s pretty hard to lose weight when you’re always getting spilled around!

Why don’t we ever see a T-Rex hiding in a tree?

Because they’re extinct. But considering how bad their arms were at picking things up, they were probably equally bad at tree-climbing anyway!

Why did the bicycle refuse to move?

Because it was two-tired!

But then it took a nap, got an energy drink, and became a unicycle…

Because it realized it only needed one wheel to feel wheely good!