Jokes for the day

Why did the piece of paper break up with the pencil?

Because it said, “I’m tired of your pointless relationship scribbles, every time we meet, you leave a mark. And when you’re out of words, you just erase me like I never existed. Plus, you’re always hanging out with that sharpener, it’s clear you’re just using me to get to her!”

The pencil replied, “Well, that’s a bit sketchy. But if we’re drawing

Why don’t flat-earthers make good detectives?

Because they always refuse to go around the globe to solve a case, they think it’s just pointless!

Why did the scarecrow break up with the cabbage?

Because he couldn’t deal with her anymore… He heard too many “lettuce leaf” jokes and decided it was time to “turnip” the beet and move on. But the real kicker is, after he broke up with her, the cabbage started dating a carrot.

And why was that?

Because she wanted someone more “rooted” in reality!

Why did the smartphone apply for a job?

Because it heard that being a “cell” phone is just not enough anymore…

And guess what job it applied for?

A “call” center job, because it thought it would be “app-ealing”…

But it didn’t get hired…

Why you ask?

Because it couldn’t stop “dropping calls”!

Why don’t secret agents ever play hide and seek?

Because good luck hiding when your name is Bond, James Bond, License to kill, last seen in Skyfall, likes his martini shaken not stirred…