Thou Art a Fobbing Boil-Brained Wagtail: The Savagely Witty Origins of Phrases We Use as Insults
Introduction:
Deep down in the recesses of our everyday English language, there are treasured nuggets that date as far back as Renaissance fairs and overcooked mutton. Just in case that didn’t ring a bell: we’re talking about the Middle Ages – a time when people insulted each other with style! It was not about simply ‘flipping the bird’. Nay. It was about verbal artistry, with the aim of making their targets feel not only offended, but also confused. Because, really, what better way to assert your superiority than making sure your insults are so grandiose that the receiving end has to consult a medieval dictionary to comprehend them?
1. “Don’t Give a Toss” – Medieval Indifference
Back in the day, a “toss” was a game of chance involving the flipping of a coin. ‘Not giving a toss’ meant that you didn’t care for the result, effectively making you the inventor of giving zero…well, tosses.
2. “You’re Full of Prunes” – The Kickstart to a Dietary Critique
Prunes were actually considered laxatives during the Middle Ages. So basically, if you’re ‘full of prunes’, you’re not only full of crap, but medieval crap. This phrase is a two-punch combo for the winner!
3. “Mumbo Jumbo” – From Complex Rituals to Nonsense Talk
‘Mumbo Jumbo’ is supposedly derived from a masked dancer that Mandinka males dressed up as to resolve disputes – pretty correctly intimidating, right? Now, it just stands for nonsensical speech, which probably feels like a downgrade to the old Mumbo Jumbo.
4. “As Mad as a Hatter” – Avoiding Plague Ridden Fashion
Mad here originally referred to ‘poisonous.’ Hatters used mercury in the production of their headwear and thus were exposed to mercury poisoning. So, really though, they were mad as a hatter because they were experiencing early work-related illness.
5. “Barking Up the Wrong Tree” – Hunting Hounds’ Blunder
A hunting phrase! When dogs would often bark at the base of trees while the prey is on a different one. Nowadays, it’s a polite way of saying “you’re an idiot.”
6. “Pulling Your Leg” – Street Tripsters Unleashed
Street thieves would literally pull their victims’ legs to trip them, making it easier to rob them. I suppose ‘I’m just robbing you blind’ didn’t have as friendly a ring to it.
7. “Blue Blood” – Aristocratic Veins
In this case, the blue blood implies nobility; the pale skin of European nobility caused their blue veins to be more visible. Today, it’s an elegant way of saying you’re kind of a big deal.
Conclusion:
So, there you have it, a drop-dead hilarious take on medieval zingers and the unlikely ways they’ve worked their way down to 21st-century burns. In the grand scheme of things, we owe a lot to those ambitious peasants for shaping our modern trash talk.
Every time you use any of these phrases, remember to give a hat tip (preferably a non-mercury laced one) to our ancestors who were truly avant-garde trendsetters in the art of insults!
Vote on your favorite Witty Origin Phrase
Bonus Useless Fact:
Did you know there’s an official word for the fear of long words? It’s ‘hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia’ – and yes, that’s pretty long!
